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Mantras For Meditation on Not Spoiling Your Childfrom The Competence Approach to Parenting Copyright Joseph Strayhorn, 2001 1. Spoiled behavior is learned. It happens more often, the more it “works.”
2. I don’t need my child to approve of me. My child does need to learn good behavior.
3. I will not try to get bad behavior to go away by appeasing the child.
4. I will not reinforce my child for undesirable behavior by giving what he or she wants.
5. When the child gets very upset over not getting a minor luxury, I must not rescue the child.
6. I grant the child’s requests for non-necessities only when they are BOTH reasonable AND politely stated.
7. Disobedience is not to be tolerated.
8. I give one clear, firm command and if it is not obeyed I use physical guidance or impose a consequence.
9. I am prepared to withhold for as long as necessary any or all luxuries from my child.
10. My child must speak to me with respect and politeness—not because I need it, but because my child needs to practice it.
11. The fact that my child’s peers all have something does not mean it is good.
12. The fact that my child wants something is not sufficient reason for me to give it.
13. I will model for my child how to avoid acting rude even in adversity.
14. I will model speaking with respect and courtesy, especially to family members.
15. When my child speaks disrespectfully, I teach or impose a consequence rather than reciprocate.
16. I must indoctrinate my child in the value of doing useful and helpful things for others. Useful work, courteously done, is the opposite of spoiled behavior.
17. I must get my child to do useful work, regularly, for the family and other people, for the child’s good.
18. Both my child and I must say please, thank you, you’re welcome, and excuse me when appropriate.
19. Differential reinforcement. Differential reinforcement. Differential Reinforcement.
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