The Twelve-Thought Exercise

 

by Joseph Strayhorn, M.D.

 

from the book Programmed Readings for Psychological Skills

Copyright Joseph Strayhorn, 2001

 

Here are the twelve types of thoughts that this exercise refers to:  

 

1. Awfulizing

2. Getting Down on Yourself

3. Blaming Someone Else

4. Not Awfulizing             

5. Not Getting Down on Yourself

6. Not Blaming Someone Else            

7. Goal-setting

8. Listing Options and Choosing

9. Learning from the Experience        

10. Celebrating Luck                            

11. Celebrating Someone Else's Choice   

12. Celebrating Your Own Choice       

 

The idea of this exercise is that if you can learn to choose, in any given situation, which of these twelve types of thoughts will make things come out best for you, and spend your energy that way, the quality of your life will be vastly improved! Many, or perhaps most, people land on these various thought patterns by reflex or habit. The purpose of the twelve thought exercise is to help you pick the thoughts that are best for you, with at least as much conscious awareness as you choose what to buy!   

1.  The twelve-thought exercise is something you can do to get more in control of how you think about situations.  Here’s how you do it. You take any situation, and pretend that you are in it. You think of what you would say to yourself if you were to “awfulize” about that situation, and you put it into words. Then you think of what you would say if you were to “get down on yourself” about that same situation, and you put that into words. You keep going until you have thought of an example of each of the twelve types of thoughts. So in the twelve thought exercise, you make up

 twelve different thoughts about one situation,

or

twelve different situations about one thought? 

2.  When you do the twelve thought exercise, sometimes you do hard things. For example, suppose the situation is that you have done something really great. One of the twelve thoughts is to get down on yourself. It takes a little thought to figure out how you could get down on yourself about doing something great. Or suppose the situation is that some really bad luck has happened. In doing the twelve thought exercise, you have to celebrate luck. You have to use your mind to figure out some plausible way to think each of the twelve thoughts, no matter what the situation is.

            When you get good at this, you will realize that the situation does not force you to think anything. You can think whatever you want about a situation.

            One purpose of doing all twelve thoughts, even if some are far-fetched, is that

 

you learn that the situation forces you to think something,

or

you learn that you can choose what to think about any situation.

 

 

     Let's first review what these mean. I will describe the type of thought, and you guess which one I’m describing.

 

3.  This one can sound like this: “What do I want to try to do in this situation? Here is my first priority. This is my second priority. This other thing isn't important at all for me.” This type of thought helps you figure out what you are trying to do. Is it

 

awfulizing, or goal-setting?

 

 4.  The next one sounds like this: “Next time a situation like this comes up, I will know what to do. I learned this from what happened this time.” This type of thought helps you to be ready for the next time you run into a situation like the one you were in. It helps you to get something good out of bad decision. It helps you to know to repeat a good decision. Is it

 

celebrating luck, or learning from the experience?

 

5. The next one can sound like this: “Even if the other person did something bad, I don't want to keep going over in my mind how bad it was. I have better things to do with my energy.” This type of thought tends to make you less mad. Is it

 

not blaming someone else, or getting down on yourself?

 

6.  The next one sounds like this: “Hooray, I'm glad I did this!” This thought tends to make you feel proud about what you have done. It helps you to be more likely to repeat what was good about what you did. Often there is some good part even in your mistakes.

 

getting down on yourself, or celebrating your own choice?

 

7.  The next one sounds like this: “It’s not such a big deal. It only takes this much time or work or money to correct this situation.  I can handle it. It's not the end of the world.” When you think in this way, often you don’t feel so bad about the situation. Is it

 

not awfulizing, or blaming someone else?

 

8. This thought can sound like this: “This is terrible. I can't stand this. What a horrible thing.” This thought tends to make you feel bad about the situation. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes people don’t feel bad enough about very bad things that are going on. But many people do this thought too much. Is it

 

celebrating someone else’s choice,

or awfulizing?

 

9.  This thought may sound like this: “I could do this thing, or this other thing, or maybe this. Here are the pros and cons. I think this is the best thing to do.”  This type of thinking helps you figure out what to do. Is it

 

listing options and choosing,

or not blaming someone else?

 

10.  This is a thought like “I made a bad mistake. How could I have been so stupid? Oh, I really blew it.” This tends to make you feel guilty or ashamed or regretful. It is useful at times, because these bad feelings can help us not make the same mistake in the future. But too much of this can just get people depressed. It can make people not want to do anything. Is it

 

goal-setting, or getting down on yourself? 

 

11.  This thought sounds like this: “Hooray, there is something lucky about this situation, and it's this....” This type of thinking can make you feel good. When you do it, you “look on the bright side.” Is it

 

celebrating luck, or not blaming someone else? 

 

12.  This one sounds like this: “It’s that person’s fault. What bad things he is doing! He shouldn't be acting like that.”  This type of thought tends to make you feel angry. Anger is sometimes very useful to feel, because it can help you get the energy to work against someone who is doing something bad. Too much anger can be very destructive.  Is the thought

 

not awfulizing, or blaming someone else?

 

13.  This thought can sound like this: “Even if I made a mistake, I don’t want to punish myself too much. I choose to forgive myself. I don’t want to beat myself up over this.” This thought makes people feel less guilty or ashamed. Is it

 

goal-setting, or not getting down on yourself?

 

14.  This thought sounds like this: “Hooray, I’m glad this other person did what he did.” This thought makes you feel grateful. It makes you feel like saying “Thank you.” Even when someone has done something very bad, often there is someone else you can think of who has done something good.

 

celebrating someone else’s choice, or goal-setting?

 

15.  Now we’ll see some examples of people doing the 12 thought exercise. I’ll put the thoughts out of order, so you’ll have to think a little to say which is which.

            Here’s the first situation. A man has gone to the doctor to get checked because of dizziness. The doctor says, “All the tests came back normal. I think maybe your illness is all in your head.” 

            Which are each of the following thoughts?

Great! Those words are music to my ears! I don’t have a brain tumor!

 

awfulizing or celebrating luck?

 

16. This doctor sounds like he thinks he knows everything! How could he possibly know that this is all in my head? It could be an illness that his tests couldn’t pick up. He has no business saying that to me!

 

 blaming someone else or goal-setting?

 

17. I did something stupid. I threw away my time and money, only to be told that there is nothing wrong.

 

listing options and choosing, or getting down on himself? 

 

18.  I'm so glad I got this checked out. Now I can feel more confident about my health, because I made that choice.

 

celebrating his own choice, or celebrating luck?

 

19.  I still think this dizziness may have come from a virus or something. But at least I know that I don’t have something horrible, or it would have shown up on the tests.

 

not getting down on himself, or not awfulizing?

 

20. I'm not too thrilled with the way this doctor spoke to me. I didn’t like the way he said “all in your head.” But I don't want to come down on him about that. I don't want to get all bothered about it. Nobody’s perfect, and I don’t need him to be.

 

not blaming someone else, or not getting down on himself?

 

21. I can just go and not give this another thought, or I can do some reading about dizziness. Or I can look into ways that people have worked with illness caused by stress. Or I can ask this doctor more, to learn more while I'm here. After that I can get another doctor’s thoughts on it.....

 

celebrating his own choice, or listing options?

 

22.  I spent a lot of time worrying that I might have a brain tumor. Next time I get some sort of symptom, I’ll try not to worry about really bad illnesses until I find out that I have one.

 

learning from the experience, or celebrating someone else’s choice?

 

23. I'm very glad that this doctor chose to get all these tests done. They cost a lot of money. The “managed care” people would have liked for him not to get those tests. I'm grateful to him for that.

 

learning from the experience, or celebrating someone else’s choice?

 

24. Oh, no. Now my mind is doing strange things to my body in ways I don’t even understand! Probably no one else understands it either! Now what’s going to happen next? It’s terrible not having any answer!

 

blaming someone else, or awfulizing?

 

25. Well, if it is true that I have dizziness because of reasons that are in my mind, I don't want to punish myself for that. It’s not a disgrace in any way.

 

not awfulizing, or not getting down on himself?

 

26. What are my priorities? I want not to wreck my relationship with this doctor. I want to get as much useful information as I can from him. I want to take care of my health -- that's the first priority. I want to stay in a mood that will help me make calm and good decisions.

 

goal-setting, or celebrating his own choice? 

 

 Situation 2:

A woman has just found out that she has won the lottery and will get seven million dollars.

 

27.  I could move to a rich neighborhood.  I could start a foundation to help poor people. I could get my parents a new house. I could read some books on how to invest it.

 

blaming someone else, or listing options? 

 

28.  Now I’ll never be able to trust anybody again, for the rest of my life, because they'll all be trying to get money out of me. I’ve lost my chance at true friendship. This is terrible.

 

celebrating luck, or awfulizing?

 

29. Even though I just know this will wreck my life, I’m too weak just to give it all away and live a normal life. I have no backbone on this, or anything else.

 

getting down on herself, or blaming someone else?

 

30.  Hooray, what good luck I had!

 

celebrating luck, or celebrating her own choice?

 

31. I guess this teaches me that sometimes when you act on a hunch and take a risk, it pays off.

 

learning from the experience, or not awfulizing?

 

32. What, they're going to pay it off over years rather than give it to me in one lump sum now? Those cheats! They should give me all seven million now!

 

getting down on himself, or blaming someone else?

 

33. I’m so glad I finally chose to buy a lottery ticket! 

 

celebrating his own choice, or not awfulizing?

 

34. Hey, if I find being rich changes my life in ways I don't like, it's easy to solve that problem. So there's no terrible problem that can't be solved.

 

not blaming someone else, or not awfulizing?

 

35. My first priority is keeping a normal life going while I’m getting used to the changes in my life. I want to keep my friends. I want to take my time and carefully think about how to use this money.

 

goal-setting, or not awfulizing?

 

36. I know this was just luck, and I didn't work for it or show any skill to get it. But I don't want to get down on myself about that.

 

blaming someone else, or not getting down on herself?

 

37. I’ll bet that soon all my long lost friends and relatives who haven't cared about me in years will be calling me up.  They’ll be saying they’ve had me on their mind all the time. If that happens, I’m choosing not to blame them for being human. I’ll just enjoy it and not rile myself up over it.

 

not blaming someone else, or celebrating luck?

 

38.  I'm glad the man at the store was pleasant and friendly. If he had been grumpy, I might not have bought a ticket.

 

celebrating her own choice, or celebrating someone else’s choice?

 

Situation 3

At a restaurant with outdoor seating, a very large fly has landed in and drowned in someone's soup.

 

39. I’m so happy that this happened while I happened to have been looking at the soup bowl. It's nice to find out about this by seeing it rather than tasting it.

 

celebrating luck, or getting down on himself?

 

40. I just learned an advantage of eating inside. I never had thought of this before. I’ll remember that for next time.

 

celebrating his own choice, or learning from the experience?

 

41.  I can show this to the waiter and ask for a new bowl of the same soup. I can use this chance to try a different type of soup. Or I can just ask the waiter to take the bowl away and not have any more soup.

 

listing options, or blaming someone else?

 

42. I can ask to go to a table inside. Or I can stay here.  Or I can look around and see how many other flies are out here before making that decision.

 

getting down on himself, or listing options?

 

The last two questions illustrate the fact that there can be several different ways of listing options, depending on what question you pose to yourself.

 

43. I’m glad I am able to remain cool and calm about this.

 

celebrating his own choice, or goal-setting?

 

44. I'm glad about times in the past when folks in places like this have been willing to replace food.  Their choices give me a nice feeling that the people here will come through this time.

 

celebrating someone else’s choice, or not blaming someone else?

 

45. If it hadn't been for my wife, I would have eaten inside. This never would have happened. Why did she have to want to eat outside? 

 

goal-setting, or blaming someone else?

 

46. I’m starting to feel mad at the fly. But I want to choose not to get worked up about what a bad thing it did. It had a very little brain. And the poor thing paid for it with his life.

 

getting down on himself, or not blaming someone else?

 

47.  I should just give up on socializing with people. I wanted to impress my friends, and then I get into this embarrassing situation. I probably look like an idiot.

 

getting down on himself, or celebrating luck? 

 

48. I just can't stand it! This seems like a little thing, but it just goes to show how out of control everything really is. You never know when something really terrible is going to happen just by chance.

 

blaming someone else, or awfulizing?

 

49. My first priority is not to upset my friends, or myself. My next priority is to get some food that I feel like eating.

 

blaming someone else, or goal-setting?

 

50.  Well, this certainly isn’t something I want to punish myself for. It wasn’t my fault. Even if it were my fault, why should I punish myself for such a little thing?

 

celebrating someone else’s choice, or

not getting down  on himself?

 

Situation 4:

A man is driving his car. He is going the speed limit. Another driver feels that he should be going faster. This driver honks and screams at the person. As he passes, he makes angry gestures with his hand.

 

51.  I’ll choose not to do the same sort of blaming that he’s doing. I’m going to try not to run through my mind how bad he is, over and over. This is not because he doesn’t deserve it, but because I've got better things to think about.

 

celebrating his own choice, or not blaming someone else?

 

52. He doesn't like the way I drive, but I don’t agree. So I’m not going to punish myself for making him mad.

 

not getting down on himself, or awfulizing?

 

53. I’m glad that I’ve chosen to drive carefully. I’m proud that I haven’t had a wreck in all these years of driving.

 

celebrating luck, or celebrating his own choice?

 

54.   I’m glad that there happened to be a passing lane so that this person could get past me. I’m glad it wasn’t a curvy two lane road instead. Who knows what he would have done then?

 

celebrating luck, or listing options and choosing? 

 

55. I do prefer to go more slowly than most people on this highway go. What do I want to do about this? I could go on side streets. I could move my office so that it’s closer to home. Or I could just keep going like I am, and not worry about it when people like this get mad.

 

 awfulizing, or listing options?

 

56.  It is so crazy that people make laws and post speed limits, and then nobody enforces them. If they would just enforce the law, I wouldn’t have this problem! 

 

blaming someone else, or learning from the experience?

 

57.  I have something to be glad about. Several hundred people have passed me today, and he was the only one that was rude. I’m glad all those others chose to act in a mature way.

 

celebrating someone else’s choice, or not getting down on himself?

 

58.  This teaches me that you can't please everybody all the time. Pleasing everyone is not a goal worth fretting about.

 

learning from the experience, or not blaming someone else?

 

59.  I just can’t stand it. The way people act to each other is getting worse and worse every year.  This world is the pits.

 

not blaming someone else, or awfulizing?

 

60. My goal is not to teach that person a lesson. My goal is to drive safely and not to let behavior like this upset me.

 

not awfulizing, or goal-setting?

 

61.  He’s right, I’m too careful, I’m a coward. I just make other drivers mad all the time. They shouldn’t let me on the road.

 

celebrating luck, or getting down on himself?

 

62. This isn’t so bad. Somebody whom I’ll probably never see again was mad at me. I'm not in danger. Nobody was hurt or killed. It’s no big deal. I can handle this, just fine.

 

not awfulizing, or learning from the experience?

 

Situation 5:

 

At a party, someone teases me about my clothes. He says, “Hey, where did you get those clothes, the Salvation Army Thrift Shop?” It turns out, I did get my clothes there.

 

63. This person knows I don’t think clothes are important. So he’s not really trying to hurt my feelings, but just to horse around and have fun. I’m glad he’s choosing to do that instead of trying to hurt my feelings.

 

awfulizing, or celebrating someone else’s choice?

 

64.  I’m glad I’ve gotten confident enough in myself that I don’t get upset with this sort of teasing.

 

celebrating his own choice, or getting down on himself?

 

65. I’m glad that I’m living in a culture and a time in history where clothes are not a big deal. A century ago it would have been a different story.

 

celebrating luck, or celebrating his own choice?

 

66. I could say, “How did you know, have I left the sales tag on for the last five years?” Or I could say, “Just call me the last of the big spenders,” or I could pretend to be mad and say in a real deep voice, “Hey buddy, you got a problem with that or something,” or I could look at my clothes and whisper in his ear, “You're right!”

 

celebrating luck or listing options?

 

67.  He noticed what I’m wearing, right away. This teaches me or reminds me that not everyone cares as little about clothes as I do.

 

celebrating his own choice, or learning from the experience? 

 

68. Who does he think he is, making fun of me?

 

blaming someone else, or not awfulizing?

 

69.  Oh gosh, it’s true, everyone else is dressed better than I am. What a fool I was for not thinking more about what to wear.

 

getting down on himself, or goal-setting?

 

70. Well, no one will be hurt or killed or will even lose any sleep over what I wear. This is no big deal. Who cares?

 

not awfulizing, or goal-setting? 

 

71. Even though I’m not as dressed up as most other people here, I don’t want to punish myself for it. People have done such worse things in history. This doesn’t even compare to the really bad things people have done.

 

not getting down on himself, or not blaming someone else?

 

72. I want to look good enough that I don’t make people reject me. But I also have a goal of making a statement by what I wear. I want to let people know that I’m not going along with wasting resources on buying expensive junk when other people don’t have enough to eat. 

 

not awfulizing, or goal-setting?

 

73. Maybe this person is wanting me to feel bad. But many other people here have been very nice to me. I’m very glad they chose to act that way.

 

celebrating someone else’s choice, or getting down on himself?

 

74.  Oh no!  It’s true! Everyone else is dressed nicer than I am! I stick out like a sore thumb! People are all rejecting me in their minds!

 

awfulizing, or not not blaming someone else?

 

75.  Even if he is trying to make me feel bad, I don't want to get mad about it. I’ll just let him say what he wants and not worry about it. I’ll enjoy the party more if I don’t spend my energy condemning him.

 

celebrating luck, or not blaming someone else?

 

Situation 6

 

A woman has just finished a painting. She likes the painting and is very pleased with it. She shows the painting to a man who knows a lot about art. He studies the painting, and then he says, “This section here is a little too dark. You should have used some brighter colors here.”

 

76. I think he is trying to help me. Even if it isn’t, his advice may turn out to be helpful anyway. So I don’t want to waste energy condemning him for criticizing my painting. 

 

awfulizing, or not blaming someone else?

 

77. I could do some thinking, and decide whether I agree with him or not. I could get some reactions from other experts. If I decide he’s right, I could paint over that part. Or I could do the whole painting over. Or I could just enjoy the painting the way it is now.

 

getting down on herself, or listing options?

 

78. I hate it when people are so picky. They can’t enjoy anything; they have to build themselves up by tearing something else down.

 

blaming someone else, or listing options?

 

79.  I think he has a good point. Next time I’ll think more about the brightness and darkness when I’m planning the painting.

 

celebrating luck, or learning from the experience? 

 

80. It’s great that he’s willing to be honest about what he thinks. It helps me improve. I’m glad he isn’t just lying to make me feel good.

 

getting down on herself, or celebrating someone else’s choice?

 

81. I’m very lucky that I can spend even spend time in this hobby of painting. Some other people have to be working at a job all the time if they want to eat.

 

celebrating luck, or getting down on herself?

 

82.  It’s not terrible that he is criticizing my painting. My paintings don't have to be perfect.

 

celebrating her own choice, or not awfulizing?

 

83. My goal is to become the best artist I can, and to enjoy doing it. My goal is not to prove to this man that I’m already a great artist.

 

goal-setting or awfulizing?

 

84. If he is right that I should have used some brighter colors, I don’t want to punish myself about that. I’m still learning about painting.

 

listing options, or not getting down on herself?

 

85.  Oh, no! I spent so much time on this painting, but I ruined it. This is so bad!

 

not getting down on herself, or awfulizing? 

 

86. Why didn’t I notice that? I’m a bad painter, not to have seen it. 

 

getting down on herself, or blaming someone else?

 

87. Wow, I must have drawn this well, if this man, who is usually a hard critic, doesn’t criticize any worse than this! Hooray for me!

 

goal-setting, or celebrating her own choice?

 

88. I’m glad I decided to paint this picture in the first place, because I like the way it looks.

 

celebrating her own choice, or not blaming someone else?

 

 

Situation 7

 

Someone is about to take a plane trip. She is planning to go for a business meeting. She has already boarded the plane. Just before takeoff, the pilot says, “We have just found out that there may be something wrong with this plane. It will take at least an hour to check it out. We’re asking everyone to get off the plane. We’ll let you know when you can get back on this plane, or maybe a different plane.”

 

89.  I can call up the people whom I was planning to meet with, and explain what has happened. I can ask them to rig up a speaker phone at the meeting, so I can meet with everyone by phone if I’m late. I can check out the phones that are on the plane and see if they will work. I can charge up my own cell phone while I’m still on the ground, so that it will be ready if I need it.

 

listing options, or not awfulizing?

 

90. Now I’m going to arrive late at my meeting! This is terrible; everybody is going to be angry at me.

 

learning from the experience, or awfulizing?

 

91. I should have booked an earlier plane, to have more time to spare. Why do I keep doing stupid things?

 

getting down on herself, or celebrating luck?

 

92.  It’s so lucky that whatever was wrong with this plane was found. Just think, it could have been some hidden thing instead.

 

celebrating luck, or learning from the experience?

 

93. Thank you, whoever checked the plane and found this problem. I may owe my life to you.

 

celebrating luck, or celebrating someone else’s choice?

 

94. This should have been checked out long before now. What sort of lazy people are running this airline, anyway?

 

not awfulizing, or blaming someone else?

 

95.  I guess these delays happen. This isn’t such a bad thing, when you compare it to being in a plane crash!

 

not awfulizing, or blaming someone else?

 

96. I guess this time it would have been better for me to book an earlier flight.  But I don’t want to punish myself for cutting it close. Lots of other times I’ve not left much time to spare, and it’s worked out just fine.

 

not blaming someone else, or not getting down on herself? 

 

97. My main goal is to be safe. I want to be in on the meeting if I can figure out a way to do it. And since life is short, I want to keep from getting upset over things like this.

 

not getting down on herself, or goal-setting?

 

98. I’ve got lots of things to do right now. I don’t want to waste my energy blaming the airline people.

 

not awfulizing, or not blaming someone else?

 

99. Maybe next time when I have a very important meeting, I’ll build in some some extra time to get there. I can keep on cutting it close for the less important meetings.

 

not blaming someone else, or learning from the experience? 

 

100.  I think I’ve made a pretty good plan about what to do. I’m glad I used my energy in this way.

 

celebrating luck, or celebrating her own choice? 

 

 

Situation 8

 

A father has built a tree house for his son. One of the son's friends comes to play. This friend is very active and fearless. The friend runs around on the tree house, falls off, and hurts his arm. The friend’s family takes him to the hospital. The father learns later that he broke his arm.

 

101.  How can I make it safe from now on? I can take the tree house down. I can put up guard rails. I can make a rule that no one outside the family uses it. I could have people use ropes like mountain climbers use.

 

listing options or celebrating luck?

 

102.  Why does that kid have to be so fearless and impulsive? He hurts himself every time he’s given half a chance. Someone should teach him to be careful.

 

blaming someone else, or celebrating his own choice?

 

103. I guess it’s not as bad as it could be. At least he didn't get killed, and his brain wasn’t hurt, and he wasn’t paralyzed. His arm will heal.

 

blaming someone else, or not awfulizing? 

 

104.  I wish I’d done things differently. But  I don't want to punish myself about it too much now. That won’t do any good.

 

not getting down on himself, or celebrating his own choice?

 

105.  How can we show our concern?  We can send a get well card to the boy. We can go over and see him. We can bring a gift for him.

 

not awfulizing, or listing options?

 

106. Whenever I plan anything having to do with children from now on, the first thing I’m going to think about is safety.

 

learning from the experience, or not blaming someone else?

 

107. It’s so lucky that he happened to land so that the arm took the impact,  instead of his spinal cord or his head.

 

celebrating his own choice, or celebrating luck?

 

108. Even though I wish he had been more careful, I don't want to spend my energy condemning him.

 

not awfulizing, or not blaming someone else.

 

109. Oh no. His family will sue us for everything we own. We’ll probably lose all our money. Plus my reputation will be ruined.

 

awfulizing, or getting down on himself?

 

110.  My first priority is keeping anyone else from getting hurt. I also want to keep on good terms with his family. Another goal is to let the boy know we care about him.

 

goal-setting, or not blaming someone else?

 

111.  I should have known that something like this would happen. Now I’m to blame that he got hurt.

 

goal-setting, or getting down on himself?

 

112.  I’m glad that so far his family has been nice to us about this.

 

not getting down on himself, or celebrating someone else’s choice?

 

113. I’m glad I’ve been able to stay cool about this. I’m glad I haven’t let it bother me so much that it keeps me from doing other things.

 

celebrating his own choice, or celebrating luck? 

 

 

Situation 9

 

A business man has agreed to give up his lunch hour every day to tutor a child. As soon as he meets the child for the first time, the child looks at him with a really sullen look. The child says, “I don't want to spend time with you. You can't do anything for me.”

 

114.  This ungrateful brat. When I’m giving up my lunch hour, he should at least talk respectfully. He should be punished.

 

getting down on himself, or blaming someone else? 

 

115.  Maybe he acts this way because other people have treated him badly. I don’t want to come down on him for it.

 

not awfulizing, or not blaming someone else?

 

116.  I’m so glad I chose to study the training materials. What I read talked about this sort of thing. I think I know more about how to handle this, because I did that work.

 

not getting down on himself, or celebrating his own choice? 

 

117.  This isn’t what I wanted to hear, but that doesn’t mean the whole thing is ruined. It may take a lot of time for him to learn to trust me. I can handle that.

 

not awfulizing, or celebrating luck?

 

118. I mainly prepared for teaching the child how to do math. I learned something: next time I’ll do more preparing in how to help the child get a good relationship started with me.

 

learning from the experience, or not getting down on himself?  

 

119. I’m glad I happened to learn about this program, because it looks like it’s connected me to someone who needs a nice friend.

 

celebrating luck, or awfulizing? 

 

120. He’s saying I can’t help him, after taking one look at me, before I even do anything. This shows that he’s not really rejecting me; he’s rejecting the person he thinks I am. I certainly don’t want to punish myself when I haven’t even done anything yet.

 

not getting down on himself, or celebrating someone else’s choice? 

 

121.  My goal is to help this child if I can. If I can help him learn to get along well with me, that will be great. But I don’t want to let it spoil my day if he’s too far gone to be able to get help from me.

 

goal-setting, or blaming someone else?

 

122. Let’s see, what should I say? I can find out more, by saying, “Oh, did you not want to do this?” I can say, “I’m sorry you feel so discouraged.” I can say, “Oh? Why do you say that?” I can not say anything, but just listen some more. I can say, “Sounds like you’d rather be doing something else right now?” I can say, “Well, at least you came. I’m glad for that.” I can say, “Maybe I can’t do anything for you, but maybe you can do something for yourself. So let’s get going!”

 

awfulizing, or listing options?

 

123.  He’s right, I can’t help him, I don’t have what it takes. I knew I was taking on something that was too hard for me.

 

getting down on himself, or listing options?

 

124.  I’m grateful to the person who wrote the training materials. I’m so glad that this person told us that this might happen.

 

celebrating someone else’s choice, or not awfulizing?

 

125.  Now I’ve given up my lunch hour to have a horrible time each day. I don’t see how this can possibly turn out right.

 

awfulizing, or not blaming someone else?

 

126. It must be because I’m so ugly. Even little kids can’t stand to have me near them.

 

not awfulizing, or getting down on himself?

 

127.  After reading these examples, you are ready to do the twelve thought exercise yourself.  Think of a situation – it could be anything – and practice making up a way of thinking each of the twelve types of thoughts. I believe that almost everyone who does this exercise will find it helpful.

            In reading all these things and answering these questions you have been

 

doing the twelve thought exercise, or reading examples of how to do the twelve thought exercise?